Sometimes Love has strange ways to show itself
by germanfanfictioner
Summary: The BTR world tour makes a stop in Berlin. The guys need some time for their own. They split up and everyone has fun on its own. Carlos goes to a club and makes a special experience, which affects the whole band.
1. Club night

**Chapter one: Club Night**

**Hi guys. So this is my first fanfiction about BTR and my first fanfiction in general. If you find mistakes please tell me. I will try to fix them. Tell me what you are thinking about this. Hope you enjoy this.**

»This Concert was amazing! «, I said.

»Yeah, European fans are always great fans «, Kendall nodded his head.

»Be quiet. I try to sleep…«, Logan mumbled.

»You can sleep when we are in our hotel «, James said loud.

I looked at the guys in our limo. They are great guys and like my brothers but I feel more then fraternal feelings for one of them. But these feelings aren't allowed. I mean yes the guys know that I'm gay, but BTR has a reputation. And if they would know about my feelings, BTR would probably end. And I don't want this. I shook my head I tried to follow the conversation of James and Kendall.

Then Logan opened his eyes and sighed. »Can't sleep anymore… Thank you guys. «

We laughed. »So, what plans do you made for today? «, Kendall asked.

Before the concert we agreed to have here in Berlin some activities alone, because we were since almost six weeks on tour and we needed a break from the others. I mean this tour is amazing and we are best friends, but nevertheless we needed time for ourselves.

»I'll go to a cool club, not far from our hotel. «, I said.

»I have found a club, too. «, Logan said.

»I will have some beauty sleep «, James told us.

»What do you planned, Kendall? «, I asked him.

Kendall laughed. »Nothing. I will just go and see what's up here. «

After we arrived at our hotel I went to my room. I took a shower and changed my clothes. For club I was wearing a skinny pair of blue jeans, vans and a grey v-neck shirt. I met the others in the Lobby.

»Where's Logan? «

»Don't know. I guess he left «, James answered.

»Well, guys I'm going, too. «, I said and I headed to the club I've found. My heart beat fast. I was excited. I was going to a club for gays, because I tried to forget about my crush. In the club I saw many handsome guys. I grinned. 'I guess I'll have much fun here. 'After I had some drinks I went to the dance floor. I felt great. In the club I didn't have to play a role, I could be myself. The guys are ever really supportive, but it is hard to hide a part of me in public. I danced until I felt dizzy because of the alcohol. I went to some sofas. There I saw a guy, who was really gorgeous. He wore dark, skinny jeans and a leather jacket. I can't remember how, but soon we were making out. He was an amazing kisser. I felt like kissing a god and I lost myself in the kiss. I went with my mouth to the spot behind his ear and started to make him a hickey. Then he returned me the favor. I moaned. Then he was gone. Disappointed I went to the hotel, crawled into my bed and fell asleep.

Next morning I had a massive headache. I showered and then I joined the other guys for breakfast.

After I sat down James grinned at me and said»Oh, I saw you had fun yesterday. «

I looked confused at Kendall and he showed me with his phone my hickey. I blushed and covered it with my hand.

»I don't remember that much from yesterday. «

»I guess you found a nice guy in this club «, Kendall laughed.

I blushed again and I saw Logan blushed, too and looked at his plate. The others saw it as well.

Kendall asked: »What's up, Logie? «

»It was me. «, he mumbled.

»Wait… What? « I was shocked.

I didn't see that coming. Logan lifted his head and we saw, that he had also a hickey.

»So, I guess you are gay, too? «, I asked.

Logan nodded.

»Why didn't you tell us? You know we accept it. We are your best friends. «

»I don't know it was just-I wasn't sure if BTR would survive this. You guys know how Gustavo is. «

»Why did you kiss me in this club? «, I asked.

»I didn't even recognize it was you. I drank a lot. I came to me when-when-uh-when you moaned. « Logan's cheeks were fire red.

»But it didn't mean anything for me. I like someone else. «, he added quickly.

»Me too «

»Who? «, Kendall and James asked.

»I won't tell you «, I said my cheeks as red as Logan's.

»Neither will I «, Logan added.

James looked at me and asked laughing: »You have moaned? «

Kendall added: »Never thought little Logie could be such an amazing kisser. «

Logan, with cheeks as red as tomatoes, stood up and stuttered: »I-I ha-have to p-pa-pack m-my bag. «

Then he hurried away. Kendall looked after him with a strange expression in his eyes. James stared at me.

»What? Never seen a hickey before? «

He blushed and looked away. After breakfast I went to Logan. We talked a bit about last night and then we decided to let the past be past. We didn't want our friendship turned in something weird, only because of a little drunken making out session. On our way to the airport Logan and I laughed and talked. Sometimes I saw that Kendall was watching us, but when I looked at him he turned away. I was worried and I asked him: »Is everything fine? « He nodded his head and smiled at me. I shrugged. He'll be fine soon.

In our plane I sat down next to Logan and asked: »So Logie, you are having a crush? «

He nodded. »I won't tell you who he is…«

»Come on, Logan. If you tell me, I'll tell you who my crush is, too «

»No! It is just a silly little boy crush. I will get over it soon «

»Ok, Logie, but if you need someone for a talk, I'll be there for you «

Logan nodded and headed to the toilet. He would come to talk soon.

»Carlos, won't you go with Logie-bear? You could make out. «, James teased and grinned cockily.

»Shut up, Diamond! «, Logan said angrily, who came back at this moment.

He fell into a seat, put his headphones on and started to ignore us.

»Great job, James. You know that our tour will continue for two weeks and we need a happy Logan… «, Kendall sighed.

»It was just a bit of fun. Look at Carlos. He isn't angry with me at all. «, James defended himself.

»You know how he is. You know he is shy and kind of innocent. «, I said.

He shrugged. »Whatever! « Then James ignored us as well.

I sighed knowing that the next two weeks would be really hard. For all of us.

**I just realized that the story had the name of the first story. So I named the story** _Sometimes Love has strange ways to show itself_ **and the first chapter is named club night. I will post the second chapter soon.**


	2. Finally home

**Chapter Two: Finally home**

**Here is the next chapter. I hope you guys like it. In this chapter the POV changes twice, so you have an overview over the feelings of the guys. Nevertheless the main part of this chapter is written from Logan's POV. Enjoy it and review please! **

**I also posted the beginning of a story about the NCIS.**

**I updated this story with a better structure. I am sorry for the bad and confusing structure before. I think now it is better.**

_**Carlos' POV**_

»Finally home «, I sighed when we walked through the door in our apartment 2J. Mrs. Knight and Katie were waiting for us.

»Boys you are home. I missed you. «

She hugged us all.

»We missed you too, Mama Knight. «, I said and smiled. Then Katie hugged us all as well.

»Come on guys. Go to your rooms and unpack your stuff. I will make your favorite food for dinner and you can tell us everything from your tour. «

»Thanks, mom «, Kendall said.

After I finished with unpacking, I headed to dinner. Mrs. Knight made us dinosaur chicken nuggets, hamburger and fries. For dessert she prepared her famous apple tart. While we ate we talked with her and Katie about the tour.

»I'm sorry I could only be the first four weeks with you guys. «, Mrs. Knight apologized.

She had to go back when her sister broke her hip.

»It is okay mom. How is Aunt Vicky? «

»She is fine. She doesn't need help anymore. So did anything else happen, while I was away? «

Kendall, Logan and I shook our heads, but James said: »Logan and Carlos had a little making out session «

My jaw fell. Without any word Logan stood up and ran out of the apartment.

»James Diamond. You're a fucking idiot. He was fine and talked to us again, but you have to hurt him again «, Kendall shouted and ran behind Logan.

»Well, James, Kendall was a bit rude, but he was right. You shouldn't do that. «

»I don't want to hurt, Logan you should know that. «

»I know, James, but you don't act like that. «

He thought for a moment. »I guess you are right. I should be nicer to him «

Mrs. Knight and Katie looked confused at us and I explained what happened in Berlin.

»Wait? You drank alcohol? How could you guys do that? It was really irresponsible. I am really disappointed. «, Mrs. Knight said angrily.

»I know Mama Knight and I am sorry, but in Germany is drinking alcohol allowed from the age of 18 up. «

»I don't care, Carlos. You know I don't like it when you guys drink and I forbad it. «

»I am sorry, Mama Knight. «

»You should be. For four weeks you and Logan are grounded. «

I nodded my head and started to clean the dishes.

_**Kendall's POV**_

»Camille, did you see Logan? «, I asked.

»No. Why? «

»James made him really upset and he ran out of our apartment. «

»I know where he could be «

She led me into the park to a bench hidden by trees and bushes. Logan was there.

»Hey Logie. How are you? «

He lifted his head. I saw his red eyes, which means he cried.

»Oh Logie, there is no reason for crying «, I said softly.

»He wiped his eyes and said »I don't want to talk with you Kendall. I'll talk to Camille «

»Ok, I understand this, but I only want you to know, that I won't make fun of you. Neither will Carlos. «

He nodded. »Please go Kendall. «

I turned around and walked away. When I went into our apartment Carlos sat with James and Katie on the couch and asked: »Where is Logan? «

»He's talking to Camille «

Then I headed to my room and fell into my bed. I heard that the door opened and closed.

»What's up little brother? «

»Nothing. I am fine. «, I mumbled into my pillow.

»Come on Kendall. What is bothering you? «

I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed. Katie sat next to me.

»Honestly? I don't know. I tried to speak with Logan, but he told me to go away. And I don't know. I felt like something broke inside me. I mean he always came to me when he had problems. And I felt afraid because he seemed distant. Like he would expect me to hurt him. But I won't hurt him. «

»And why? «, Katie asked softly.

»Because he is my best friend «

»Are you sure it is the only reason? «

_**Logan's POV**_

Camille was gone and I sat on this bench in the park. I thought of Kendall. When I told him to leave me he looked hurt. And I never intended to hurt Kendall. I had always a crush on him. And only Camille knew. She is my cover up. I mean I like her and she is great, but she is not Kendall. I remembered the first day I met him.

_Flashback_

_»Mom, I want to move back «, I whined. _

_»Logie, you know we can't go back to Texas «, my mom, Joanna, said. _

_She and my dad divorced when I was 14 and we moved to Minnesota. Today was my first day in the new school. _

_»But it is cold here. « _

_»Logan, it is November. It has to be cold. You will get used to this « _

_My mom actually was from here, but she visited college in Texas and stayed there after she met my dad and I was born in her last college year. _

_»And you will find friends soon «, she added. _

_»You know I don't need friends. I am happy as long as I have a book to read and the school to learn something new « _

_We were in the school in front of the office. I just got my schedule. _

_»Yes I know and I am worried about this «, she sighed. _

_»Now go to your class. « »_

_Ok. Bye mom « _

_»Bye, honey « _

_I headed to my first class. My social life here wasn't so different from my life in Texas. I took notes, listened carefully to the teacher and I sat alone in the lessons as well as during lunch. My last class for the day was British literature. I went to the teacher and introduced myself. _

_She gave me some sheets of paper and said: »This is the list of literature you have to know and this is a list of literature we'll read this year. Now we are reading Paradise Lost by John Milton. Do you know it? « _

_I nodded my head. _

_»Good. You can sit next to Kendall. « _

_She pointed at a tall, blonde guy. I sat down. _

_He turned to me and said: »Hi, I am Kendall. « _

_I was caught by his great green eyes. They had an emerald green color. This was always my favorite color. _

_»Hey? You don't want to speak with me, right? « _

_I blushed. »I am sorry. My name is Logan. «_

_ »Where you from? « _

_»Texas. « _

_»Oh, cool. Texas is really different than Minnesota, isn't it? « _

_»It is warmer. « _

_Kendall laughed. _

_During the lesson I didn't need to hear what the teacher said. I read Paradise Lost two or three times. So I observed Kendall. He was really handsome but I didn't know what to think about him, I mean I didn't know him, but I felt a connection between us. Then we were instructed to do some work with a partner. Kendall turned to me and smiled at me and suddenly I felt butterflies in my stomach. We chatted and laughed a lot. He was really funny and smart and nice. After class we went chatting outside. When I walked through the door I stopped. Everything was white. _

_»It snowed. « Kendall said happily. _

_»Oh no…« I said with a groan. _

_»What's up, Logie? « _

_»I hate snow. My mom and I were for the holidays to the Rockies for skiing a few years ago. It was terrible. I was cold and wet the whole time and I always fell. « _

_Kendall laughed. »Snow is one of the most beautiful things of the world. Look how the snow is falling and the snow makes look everything like covered with icing sugar. « _

_»Maybe you are right, but I am not convinced at all. « _

_Kendall laughed. »Well, you will understand Logan. I'll see you tomorrow. « _

_I looked after him while he walked away. Then I saw the car of my mom. I headed to it and I got into the car. _

_»How was your day, Logie? « _

_»Maybe it is not that bad here«, I laughed._

_Flashback End_

Since that day Kendall and I were best friends. He also introduced me to his friends Carlos and James and we became friends to. But Kendall and I had always a special relationship like with the others. We were as close as brother. Kendall also got me to play hockey. And now we are here in L.A. I moved here for Kendall and James, but mostly for Kendall. Actually my dream is to being a doctor. But I am happy when Kendall is happy and Big Time Rush makes him happy. I mean I have a lot of fun, too, but I would never come here without Kendall. But on the other side there is Carlos. I never saw him that way, but the kiss confused me a lot.

_Since that night in the club I see Carlos not only as one of my best friends, but also as a really handsome guy and potential boyfriend. This is the reason why James jokes have such big effects on me. That and because I am embarrassed. I was always shy. And I am afraid, because I don't know what Kendall is thinking about this whole thing. Normally, I talk to him when something is bothering me, but now I can't tell him my worries without let him know that I have a crush on him. I am sure that Kendall isn't gay or at least bi. I mean he is dating Jo since a long time. There is still a little chance, but I think it is unlikely._

This is what I told Camille. Suddenly my fighting spirit woke up. I ever hated the feeling of being helpless, but his is how I felt in this moment.

'I have to make a move. ', I thought.

Then I asked myself a question. Kendall or Carlos?

'Kendall is my best friend. I have a crush on him for many years and I like him a lot. But I would never feel for me like I feel for him and my feelings could damage our friendship. On the other hand Carlos is really great. He is a great friend and he has a great personality. I have a better chance to go out with him then I have with Kendall. And he would maybe love me back. I have to decide soon. Kendall or Carlos?'

**So what do you think? Which decision will Logan make? I would really like to hear your opinion or wishes. I am not sure which pairing I would prefer. My favorite is Kogan but I also like Cargan. Please review and tell me what you think.**


	3. Locked

**Locked **

**Kendall's POV**

»Kendall, do you know why we are here? «, James asked.

I shook my head. We were all here in the living room sitting on the couch.

»Katie told me to meet you guys here «

»This is what she said to us all «

Katie walked into the room. She came to us, stood in front of the couch and crossed her arms across her chest.

»One more week like that and I am gonna to explode. «, she shouted.

We looked confused at her.

»Everyone of you has something to worry about and everyone of you came to me, because you need help. I am happy as long as I can help, but in this time you are so stubborn and don't want to talk to each other. In the last week you hardly spoke with. You are best friends it shouldn't be a problem. Mom was worried about you and I told her I would do something. This is why we are here. Mom and I will meet for dinner and a movie in a few minutes, so you guys can talk. «

James opened his mouth to protest but he quickly closed his mouth again, because of the glare he took of from Katie. Nevertheless Logan said:

»You can't force us to talk, Katie. If someone would want to talked, he would have had talked. «

»I know that, but I made a plan. I locked your and moms room as well as mine. The balcony door is locked and I took all of your keys. The bathroom is still open, but I took the key so nobody can hide there. After I leaved, I'll lock the front door. You guys have to stay here and if you hadn't a talk when we'll come back, well you don't want to see me then. «

»Katie you cannot lock us here. «, I said.

»Look, Kendall. I love all of you, but I can't do this anymore. If you don't talk about your problems you can't fix them. And if you don't fix them, I'll punch you all, because your stubbornness is so annoying. «

She turned around, left the apartment with a sigh and closed the door. Everyone was silent, so we heard that Katie was serious and locked the door. For a few minutes we remained in silence.

Then Logan sighed: »I think she is right «

Carlos nodded his head. I was nervous.

»Uh. Well, Logan. Can we have a talk, please? I mean just the two of us? «, I asked.

»Uh-uh. S-sure. «

We stood up and went into the bathroom. Logan sat down on the toilet and I sat on the edge of the bathtub.

»What's up, Kendall? «

**Carlos POV**

I looked after the two boys.

»I hope they can figure things out «, James said.

I nodded. »Everyone can see that Logan really cares about Kendall. Let's switch the topic. Why are you acting so weird since Logan and I kissed? I mean we ever teased each other, but since Berlin you are mean to Logan. « J

ames sat there quietly for a few moments. Then he flustered:

»Maybe it is because I have some kind of feelings for you. «

I was shocked.

»What kind of feelings do you mean? «

»I-I don't know. I am attracted to you, but there are also other feelings, but I haven't figured out what kind of feelings they are. I didn't say anything because I don't want our friendship end. «

»Well you aren't the only one. I'm in the same situation with my feelings for you «

»So what are we gonna to do? «

»I think we should become clear about us and then we'll see what happens then. «

»Sounds good. «

»Wanna play video games? «

»Sure. «

We grabbed controllers and started to play.

**Kendall's POV**

»What's up, Kendall? «

I swallowed.

»I-I-I just want to ask you if-if-i-i-if…«

»Kendall calm down everything is fine «, Logan said softly.

I took a breath.

»Do you want to go out with me? «

Logan froze.

_'Now he is gonna hate me. I messed it up'_

»A-are you sure? «, Logan asked.

I nodded. He smiled and sat next to me.

»I would really like to go out with you «

We locked eyes. Logan had so amazing eyes. I leaned in and I kissed him. He froze again but then he started to kiss me back. His lips felt softly on mine. Then Logan opened his lips a bit. I slipped my tongue into his mouth and we started to wrestle playfully with our tongues. I quickly dominated him and I supposed him to like that. I lost myself completely in this kiss. It felt like kissing an angel. It was the one thing I wanted to do since a long time. But unfortunately we needed to breathe so we broke the kiss. Although I wasn't sure about my feelings a week ago now I knew. I had a crush on Logan. I thought back to my talk with Katie.

_Flashback_

_»Come on Kendall. What is bothering you? « _

_I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed. Katie sat next to me. _

_»Honestly? I don't know. I tried to speak with Logan, but he told me to go away. And I don't know. I felt like something broke inside me. I mean he always came to me when he had problems. And I felt afraid because he seemed distant. Like he would expect me to hurt him. But I won't hurt him. « _

_»And why? «, Katie asked softly. _

_»Because he is my best friend « _

_»Are you sure it is the only reason? « _

_I thought about it. Katie was implying that I had a crush on Logan._

_ »I know what you are thinking, Katie, but I am not sure. I am so confused at the moment. I mean I can't have a crush on him. I had two girlfriends and I always was attracted by girls. « _

_»It is called bisexual, Kendall. « _

_»I told you I am really confused. I mean even if I had a crush on Logan, I am sure he wouldn't like me back that way. « _

_»You will kno__w whether he likes you or not when you ask him out« _

_»I don't ask him out Katie! I am not even sure what I am feeling « _

_»I can help you to figure out. But you have to be honest. « _

_I was confused but I nodded. _

_»What do you think about Logan? « _

_»Well, he is smart, funny, kind of cute and I trust him more than anyone except for you and mom. But this doesn't improve anything. He is my best friend. I have to think this about my best friend. « _

_Katie nodded. _

_»You are right. What do you feel when you are around Logan? « _

_»I-I just feel comfortable. And I feel much more self confident when he is with me. « _

_»How do you feel when he is sick or sad or when he cries? « _

_»Katie I don't think this is gonna help me at all. « _

_»Just answer the question. « _

_I sighed. _

_»I just feel like it is my fault, because I couldn't protect him. I just want to hug him and to make him smile again. And I want to punch the shit out of those people who made Logan sad. « _

_»Okay one last question. What do you feel when you are not with him? « _

_I hesitated. _

_»Kendall? « _

_»I feel okay. I mean it is like when we aren't together. H e is like a brother for me. « _

_»Kendall. I am your sister. I know when you are lying. Tell me the truth« _

_»I-I… « _

_»come on, Kendall. I won't judge you, no matter what your answer is like. You'll be ever my big brother. « _

_»I just feel kind of alone. I-I miss him. «, I flustered and looked down. _

_»Do you realize something? «, Katie asked quietly. _

_I sat there quiet for a few moments and I tried to organize my thoughts. _

_»I-I think I might have a crush on Logan. « _

_»Finally. I just wondered how long you would need. Carlos and James owe me twenty bucks. « _

_»What do you mean? « _

_»Kendall. Everyone can see you like Logan a lot. James, Carlos and I bet about how long you would need to know. Carlos and James thought you would never figure it out « _

_Suddenly I was afraid. _

_»Does Logan know? « _

_»No he is the only one who seems not to notice. Kendall you have to talk to him « _

_I shook my head. _

_»What if he doesn't like me back? « _

_»Then you know and you move on. But if you don't ask him, you'll regret it for the rest of your life, because you'll always ask yourself what could have happened. « _

_»When did you become so wise? « _

_She laughed. »I don't know. Will you talk to him? « _

_»I will think about it «_

_Flashback End_

Well, I did think about it, but I was so afraid of being rejected, that I didn't say a word. »

What are you thinking about? «, Logan asked.

»I was thinking about my fear to ask you out and that this fear wouldn't be necessary. «

He laughed. »I had this problem as well. «

»I think we should tell the guys and Katie that we have a date. «

»Okay, but we will talk to our parents after our date, because we don't know how the date will end. «

I nodded. We walked out of the bathroom.

»I'll beat you! «

»In your dreams, Diamond! «

»I guess Carlos and James had talked too. «, I smiled.

We went into the living room and saw them playing Mario Kart. I cleared my throat while I took Logan's hand. The guys looked at us and Carlos said:

»I think you figured things out. Are you guys together? «

Logan shook his head. »We will go out for a date «

Carlos smiled at us. I expected some kind of comment from James, but he smiled as well and said:

»I am glad you guys made it. «

James' POV

The next morning I woke up at five o'clock. I laid in my bed and thought about the sleeping Latino on the other side of the room. I wasn't completely honest to him yesterday.

_'I mean yes I am attracted to him and I have some feelings for him, but I will try to forget this feelings. Someone like Carlos couldn't like someone like me. All in all I am just a man whore.'_ I thought bitterly.

It was the truth, because I used to sleep around, so I could forget about my insecurity and I think I tried to forget about my mom who had barely time for me. And Carlos is just so innocent and cute.

_'He deserves something better than me. I have to forget my feelings. I am hundred percent sure he will come to the conclusion that we wont be more than friends. And if he will make that decision I will agree to him. I don't want to loose him. But nevertheless, he deserves someone better then me. ' _

I shook my head and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. After that I went quietly to our room and saw Carlos sleeping. He looked so peacefully. I sat down on my bed and I stared at him. A few hours later Carlos stood up. He looked at me and asked:

»Did I wake you? «

»No, I just couldn't sleep. «

He nodded. »I will take a shower. «

As the door closed behind him, I sighed and fell back. I couldn't help myself to think about Carlos. After a few minutes I stood up and I stripped down to my boxers. I grabbed a jeans and a shirt. In this moment Carlos came back. He wore just a towel around his waist. I saw him several times before without a shirt, but this was the first time I noticed how incredible hot he was. He had the body of a god. He had some nice abs and his skin had this adorable tone of light brown. His short black hair was still wet and I just wanted to touch him. Carlos noticed me staring at him and asked:

»Do you like what you see? «

I blushed and nodded.

He came to me and stopped just a few inches in front of me. I looked in his wonderful brown eyes. I leaned in and kissed him lightly. He moaned and pressed himself against me. We deepened the kiss. I touched his abs. His soft skin felt just amazing. Then my mouth explored his body. When I came to one of his nipples I sucked and bite lightly in it. Carlos moaned. I kissed him on the lips again. He bite in my ear lobe and made me moan. His towel fell and I saw his hard boner.

»I think we should stop «, Carlos said, but kissed me again.

»I can only agree with you « I mumbled and began to stroke his member.

Carlos moaned. »James I want you. « I

grinned and pushed him to my bed.

»Your wish is my command. «

**So, here it is the next chapter. I guess some of you are upset know, because I didn't wrote the entire sex scene, but it`s called cliffhanger. Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoyed this. **


	4. Two times first time

**Thanks to **_Franshes_ **for the lovely reviews. **

**Chapter 4: Two Times First time**

**James POV**

After a few minutes I stood up and I stripped down to my boxers. I grabbed a jeans and a shirt. In this moment Carlos came back. He wore just a towel around his waist. I saw him several times before without a shirt, but this was the first time I noticed how incredible hot he was. He had the body of a god. He had some nice abs and his skin had this adorable tone of light brown. His short black hair was still wet and I just wanted to touch him. Carlos noticed me staring at him and asked:

»Do you like what you see? «

I blushed and nodded. He came to me and stopped just a few inches in front of me. I looked in his wonderful brown eyes. I leaned in and kissed him lightly. He moaned and pressed himself against me. We deepened the kiss. I touched his abs. His soft skin felt just amazing. Then my mouth explored his body. When I came to one of his nipples I sucked and bite lightly in it. Carlos moaned. I kissed him on the lips again. He bite in my ear lobe and made me moan. His towel fell and I saw his hard boner.

»I think we should stop «; Carlos said but kissed me again.

»I can only agree with you « I mumbled and began to stroke his member.

Carlos moaned.

»James I want you. «

I grinned and pushed him to my bed.

»Your wish is my command. «

I crawled on top of him and kissed him. I opened a drawer of my bedside table. I grabbed a tube of lube and a condom. Carlos spread his legs and I lubed my fingers. I positioned a finger at his entrance. I looked at him

»Are you sure you want this? «

He nodded.

»Just go slow. «

I pressed my finger into him and he gasped surprised.

»Are you okay? «

»Yeah. It doesn't feel bad. «

I smiled and started to thrust my finger in and out. Soon I added a finger. I scissored them and continued to prepare Carlos. Then I shoved a third finger into him. When I supposed him to be stretched enough I pulled my fingers out. I put the condom on and lubed my cock. I pushed myself carefully into him and moaned as I felt the tight heat. Carlos whined quietly.

»Do you want me to stop? «

»No. I am fine. I wanted this for a long time. Just be careful. I never did that before. «

I nodded and pushed myself more into him. When I was completely in him I waited for his permission to move. I kissed and sucked his neck to distract him from the pain. After a few minutes he flustered:

»Move. «

I thrust slowly back and forth a few times. Then I changed my angle and thrust back into him. I hit some point in Carlos and made him to moan loud.

»Faster, James! «

I quickened my thrusts. We both moaned excited. Sex felt never so good for me. I hadn't that pleasure with any girl I slept with. And that I had sex with someone I really care about felt great.

»Harder! «

I followed Carlos' instructions and my thrusts became faster and harder as we both got closer to our release. I began to stroke Carlos again.

»Oh, fuck! Fuck, Jamie! «, Carlos shouted out when he came, covering his stomach with his seed.

As he tightened around me I couldn't hold it back and filled the condom with a scream of Carlos' name. I pulled myself out of him and collapsed on top of him.

A few minutes Carlos said:

»Get down! You are heavy! «

I laughed. We cleaned ourselves and got dressed.

»What are we now? «, Carlos asked.

I hesitated.

»I don't know. I really like you, but I don't want a serious relationship at the moment and I am sure my feelings for you are a result of your extreme attractiveness. I mean you are really hot. «

Carlos blushed.

»Don't change the subject! «

»As I said I'm not ready for a serious relationship. But know that we did that, I don't want live without sex with you. So maybe we could be fuck buddies. We can meet other people and we haven't couple problems or fights or stuff like that, but the great sex. «

Carlos hesitated and bites his bottom lip. Then he nodded his head lightly.

»Great! Now let's go to the kitchen! I feel like I am starving. «

We went to the kitchen. Kendall and Logan were there too and they grinned as they saw us.

»What? «, Carlos asked.

»We heard you. «, Kendall answered still grinning.

»Oh. «

»Are you guys together? «, Logan asked curiously.

I shook my head.

»We agreed to be fuck buddies. «, I explained.

Carlos blushed lightly. Kendall nodded thoughtfully and told us:

»As long as you are happy, we will be happy and we will support you. Right, Logan? «

I noticed that Logan looked at Carlos with a weird expression in his eyes.

»Logan? This is the part where you have to agree with me «

»Uh-as y-yes. Sure. As long as you are happy…«

I smiled.

»Thanks guys. «

**Kendall's POV**

»I don't think I can do this. «, I said.

I was close to chicken out. This evening Logan and I had our first day.

»Come on big brother. You wanted this for such a long time. «

»I know, but what if I'll mess it up? Or if Logan doesn't like me back? What if he only agreed to this date, because he doesn't want to hurt me? «

»When this unlikely scenario happens, you can move on and become happy with someone else. And by the way since when do you think things over? You are more Logan than Kendall at the moment. «

»You don't understand Katie. I don't want to be happy with someone else. I want to be with Logan. He is the only one I need and want. «

»You are Kendall Knight, the fearless leader of Big Time Rush! Begin to act like that! «

»I knew you wouldn't understand. You are too young. «, I sighed.

»Don't play the age card! You have to be yourself during the date otherwise Logan won't want you. He wants the real Kendall not this whimpering, insecure poor imitation of you. «

»I guess you are right. «

»I am always right. Logan will like this date. I am 100 percent sure. «

I laughed.

»Speaking of Logan. Where is he? «

»He over at Camille's to get ready for our date. «, I explained and waved with my hand.

»I suggest you do the same. «, someone told me, standing behind me.

I turned around and I saw Carlos grinning.

»It is already 6:30 «

»Shit. «

I jumped up and rushed in my room. I opened the dresser and grabbed a light blue jeans, a black button down shirt and my favorite beanie. I showered and got dressed. I headed to the front door, but I was stopped by Carlos.

»I know you are nervous Kendall, but you don't have to. «

He hugged me and whispered something in my ear. I looked shocked at him.

»Really? «

Carlos nodded and laughed.

»Thanks, Carlitos. I feel better now. «

I walked quietly to Camille's. When I knocked she opened the door. She smiled at me and yelled:

»Logan! It's Kendall! Hurry! «

I saw him walking to us. He seemed as nervous as I was. Camille hugged me.

»Hurt him and I will kick your ass. «, she said so quietly I could barely hear it.

I laughed.

»I won't do that Camille. I promise. Don't worry. «

Logan hugged me as well and asked:

»Where do we go? «

»It is a surprise. «

He pouted a little bit, but said:

»Okay. Let's go. Bye Cami. «

»Bye guys have fun! «

We got into the car and I started to drive. After 10 minutes we arrived. At the museum.

»What do we do here? «

»We are going to the opening of the latest exhibition here at the museum: History of modern medicine. «

»Really? This is amazing, Ken. «

Logan grabbed my and pulled me with him to the entrance. While we went through the museum to see every single exhibit, Logan told me everything he knew about the topic. I tried to follow his explanations, but it was distracting and wonderful to see how his face brightened up and he got these sparkling eyes I loved so much. I didn't see him that happy since we moved here. I mean yes he has fun here too, as much as James, Carlos and I had, but he had to give up many things for us. He could have stayed in Minnesota and following his dream to become a doctor.

»Kendall are you even listening to me? «

Logan looked at me.

»I am sorry. You know that my ability to stay concentrated over a long time is comparable with a Golden Retriever. «

He laughed.

»And you are too adorable when you are like this. «, I added.

He blushed.

»If you are bored we could do something else. «, Logan offered.

I shook my head.

»I am fine. «

»We are almost done with the exhibition. After that we have to make something you want to do. «

»How sounds eating to you? «

Logan laughed and nodded.

»Sounds perfect. «

20 minutes later we left the museum and I drove us to my favorite restaurant, a little Italian restaurant. It was almost empty so we got a separate room. We talked about the exhibition until our waiter came. He wrote our orders down, but I noticed that he looked awfully often to Logan. After he was gone I asked:

»Did you saw how this guy looked at you? «

»No. What did he do? «

»He had only eyes for you. «

»This guy probably recognized me from BTR. «

»Then he would have recognized me too. «

»Kendall, you are over thinking things. And by the way, I have a date with you at the moment not with him. «

I laughed. A few minutes later the waiter came back with our food. He put our plates on the table, smiled seductive at Logan, ignored me and left.

»I didn't see anything strange at his behavior. «

»Logan he was undressing you with his eyes! «

»Are you jealous? «

»In your dreams «, I teased.

»You're mouth says no, but you're eyes are screaming yes. «

I decided to change the topic.

»I heard you have a crush on me for a long time? «

Logan, who was drinking from his glass, choked and looked shocked at me.

»Carlos told me. «, I shrugged.

»I am gonna kill him «, he mumbled and avoided to look at me.

»Logan? «

He blushed.

»Fine. He was right. I have a crush on you since the first day we met. «

I laughed.

»What's so funny? «

»I have a crush on you too, since that day. You were so cute and adorable. I mean you are now too. «

Logan blushed more.

»Really? But you were with Jo…«

»I thought you are straight so I tried to move on and I really cared about her, but I always thought about you. «

Suddenly the waiter appeared. He looked at Logan and asked:

»Do you need something? A drink? Dessert? My phone number? «

I arched an eyebrow, while Logan smiled uncomfortable.

»Everything is fine. «

»Actually I would like to have the bill. «, I said smiling.

The waiter glared at me and disappeared. Logan looked thankfully at me. After I paid we left and drove home. When I drove into our parking lot Logan asked:

»What are we now? «

»I would like you to call my boyfriend. «

He grinned.

»I would like that too. «

We locked eyes and sat quietly there until I mumbled:

»This is the moment where you have to kiss me. «

Logan laughed quietly, leaned over and our lips met. It was a light and shy kiss, but it felt better than every other kiss I had before. After a few moments Logan broke the kiss.

»We have to tell your mom tomorrow. «

I nodded. We got out of the car. I grabbed his hands and we walked to 2J. We entered our apartment and froze. James and Carlos were on the couch and they had an intense making out session. Carlos sat in James' lap and he had his hands under James' shirt, while James' hands were on Carlos' butt and squeezed it lightly.

»It looks like they are trying to eat each other «, I whispered in Logans ear.

He laughed out loud and made James and Carlos to jump up. They blushed.

»How long were you there? «, James asked.

»A few moments. It is not like we want to see what you guys are doing. «

James chuckled. I noticed Logan and Carlos staring hosile at each other.

»How was your date? «, Carlos asked trying to have a neutral voice.

»Good «,Logan answered coldly.

I grabbed Logans hand and pulled him to our bedroom.

»We call it night guys «,I said.

»What`s up with Carlos and you? «,I asked while we changed in our pajamas.

»I want to talk about it. «

I sighed and kissed his forehead.

»Tell me when you are ready for it okay? Night, Logie. «

»Night, Ken. «

We crawled in our beds and I fell soon asleep.

**I hope you like this. As usual let me know what you are thinking. Please review.**

**This was the last chapter for the next weeks, because I have to learn for really important exams. I will write them the next two weeks and will have no time for this story. But I will continue to write as soon as my exams are over.**


	5. Memories

**Memories**

**Thanks **_Franshes_**for mentiong my story and for the review. Thanks** _spookje10_ **for the nice review. **

**Here is the next chapter. I am sorry for posting so late. **

**WARNING! This chapter includes yelling, arguments and emotional breakdowns. **

**Enjoy it. **

**Carlos POV**

On the next morning James and I headed to the kitchen.

»Mama Knight and Katie are having an audition. We have to make breakfast for ourselves. «, I told James.

»Maybe we should wait for Logan. He is able to cook a decent breakfast without burning the apartment down. «

I shook my head.

»I won't eat anything made by him. «

»Do you want to talk about it? «

»No. I will eat some cereals. «

After a half hour Kendall came in.

»Morning guys. «

»Morning buddy. «

»Where is Logan? «, James asked.

»Don't know. He left early this morning. «

»Maybe he is at Camille's? «, James guessed.

Kendall nodded and went to the front door.

»Where are you going? Won't you eat anything? «

»Carlos. I am going to look for my boyfriend. I am worried because it is not normal for him to leave without a word. «, Kendall said.

He smiled when he said »boyfriend«.

»Boyfriends? So you guys made it? Congrats! «

»Thanks, James. «

»Yeah, congrats…«, I mumbled, but Kendall didn't hear me.

He left. After the door closed behind him James asked:

»Wanna go to the pool? «

I nodded. We changed into our swim trunks, grabbed towels and went down. After we lay down James fell asleep. I put my sunglasses on and watched him. He looked so peaceful, younger then before. His lightly tanned skin shone in the sun.

_'James is just perfect. ', I thought._

I sighed quietly. In fact James was the reason Logan and I started to argue, but then things became ugly.

_Flashback_

_I sat alone in our apartment on the couch and watched TV. Logan came in and sat down next to me. _

_»Hey, buddy. «_

_»What's up, Loges? Shouldn't you prepare yourself for your date? «_

_He waved with his hand._

_»I have plenty of time. I want to talk with you. And it is more important than my date. «_

_»Okay. You can talk to me about everything. «_

_»I-I I want to talk about this whole friendship with benefits thing you and James have. «_

_»I don't get what you want. «, I said confused._

_»I don't get what you think. Why do you do that? In the end you will get hurt. You have talked about your feelings for James for a long time. «_

_»I do this because we both know James wont like me back the way I like him and now I have at least something of James. «_

_»Carlos you have to stop this! This won't have a happy end. To be honest I expect you to be destroyed when this ends. «_

_»My life. My business. So don't interfere in my life. I know what I am doing. «_

_»No! You don't! You are blinded by love! You don't see clear. Trust me! «_

_»Why? Because you are the smart one and I am dumb? «_

_»You aren't dumb Carlos. But you think everybody is as nice and friendly as you. This is part of your personality and we love you for this, but people aren't always nice and friendly! You will get hurt at the end! «_

_»You just can't handle it, that James and I don't follow your idea of a perfect relationship. Just because you will have this perfect relationship with Kendall, you want everyone else to have such a perfect relationship. But not everybody can expect that everything be perfect in his life. And somebody who doesn't know you would think you are caring about me and James, but I know better. You want to control everybody! «_

_Logan's face became pale at first and then it became red of anger and Logan started to shout:_

_»I don't want to control you! I want to help you! I just want you to be happy! But you-you are so childish! It is typical you! You don't understand when somebody wants to help you. You think everything is black or white. I have o like your idea otherwise I am a bad friend, right? But it is not like that! You don't want my help? Fine! Go on and fuck your life up! But when you are devastated don't expect me to help you! «_

_»You said I have to trust you! But why you don't trust me? I know what I am doing! Maybe I have a plan to make James fall in love with me. «_

_»You have no plan! You are like a puppy. You walk after James and hope he will recognize you and pet you! But he won't! He will play with you for a while, but then he will dump you. But you don't see that coming, because you think James is perfect! But he isn't! How often did we see over the last years that James had some girlfriend for a short time, having his fun with her and then dump her because it became boring with her? He will do the same with you! But I don't want to see you with a broken heart. You think I am a bad friend? God, Carlos sometimes you are so stupid! «_

_»What did you say? «, I asked quietly. _

_Logan's eyes widened when he realized his mistake. _

_»Carlos I-I didn't mean to…«_

_»Go out! I don't want to see you right now! «_

_I turned around to hide my tears. He sighed sad and left._

_Flashback End_

A tear rolled down my cheek. I didn't get how Logan could say something to me. He should know what this means to me. I sighed.

»Hey, buddy. You are okay? «

James was awake. I shook my head.

»When you are ready come to me and we talk okay, Litos? «

I nodded. James smiled. I tried to relax and after a few minutes I fell asleep.

**Logan's POV**

»Logie! Why are you sitting here alone? «

I lifted my head to see Kendall standing there in front of me. I felt butterflies in my stomach when I saw him smiling.

»I wanted to be alone. The park was my first idea. «

»Do you want to be still alone? «

I shook my head and he sat down next to me. Kendall put an arm around my shoulder. We sat there quietly for a few minutes. .

»Kendall? «

»Yeah Logie? «

»I did something really stupid. And terrible. «, I said sobering.

»Hey calm down Logie. It can't be that bad. «

»You're right. It is even worse. I really hurt him. I really hurt Carlos, my best friend. «

»You couldn't hurt a fly, Logie. «

»Kendall you don't understand! We were arguing about his feelings for J- about something. And I called him accidently stupid! «

I mentally head-slapped myself. First I hurt my best friend in the most terrible way and then I almost spilled his biggest secret out.

»Logie, that was really bad, but you didn't mean it. Just go to him and apologize. He will understand. «

»I know what I have to do! «, I snapped.

Kendall crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me. I rubbed the spot over my left eyebrow and sighed, because I got a massive headache.

»Kendall, I didn't mean to snap. But I am afraid that Carlos hates me now. «

He hugged me.

»He won't. Maybe he will need some time, but at the end he will forgive you and then you are as close as before. «

»Guess you are right. I am going to find him. «

My boyfriend nodded and kissed me.

»Do you want me to come with you? «

I shook my head. Kendall kissed me again and I was lost for a moment in the kiss. We went to the Palm Woods. While Kendall went to our apartment I headed to Camille. She sat in the lobby reading a script. When she saw me she hugged me tightly.

»How are things with Kendall? «

»Great. We are together now. And with you and Steve? «

»Great, too. Tomorrow we have our three months anniversary. I am so glad you and Kendall found each other. «

»Me, too. Uh. Do you know where Carlos is? «

»At the pool with James. «

**Carlos' POV**

I woke up when I felt a shadow on me. I looked up and saw Logan. He looked guilty.

»Uh-Carlos c-can we ta-talk in p-private, please? «

»Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of James. «

»I-I just want to say, that I am really sorry. I didn't mean to call you stupid. I know that this hurts you and I feel really miserable, because you are my best friend. Actually more. You are my brother and I would never hurt you on purpose. It just slipped out somehow I would do anything to take it back, but I can't. I am so sorry. «

»If you hadn't thought it, you wouldn't have said it. Even if you said it accidently the thought had to cross your mind before. «

»I-I-uh-No. I don't think you are stupid! In fact I think I am the stupid one, because I said something stupid like that. I- «

»I don't want to hear more. I really appreciate your apology, but I don't want anything to do with you. «

Logan's facial expression changed from guilty and light hope to pain and hurt.

»I-I…«

He turned around and left. His head hung and his steps were insecure. I looked at James. His face was blank.

»What? «

»I want to beat Logan for that what he said and I understand you are really hurt, but don't you think you were too rude to him? His apology came from the bottom of his heart. «

»I know, but I can't be around someone who is like that. «

I knew I lied. I wanted to have Logan as my brother-in-mind again, but I was afraid he could think really I am stupid or he could hurt me again.

»I'll support whatever decision you make, but I am not happy with that. «

»Thanks Jamie. «

»Aww. Don't call me Jamie. «

»The last time I did you didn't mind. «

»Yeah, but you were naked then and it is really hard to think when you are naked. Your gorgeous body is a great distraction. «, James said grinning.

A tall guy with long sandy hair walked past us and I shivered.

»Are you okay? «

»Yeah. It is just-the guy reminded me of Mike Dawson. «

»This horrible dork in High school? «

I nodded.

_Flashback_

_I walked through the floor of my high school. I was 14 and it was the first week of the new year. Until now nothing bad happened. No bullying, yet. In fact the bullying stopped two years ago when I joined the hockey team, but there was still this one guy who tried to make my life as terrible as possible. Mike Dawson. Everything began with him in the Elementary school. Then he got his friends to help him with his mental torture, but they stopped two years ago. Only Mike was left and he became everyday worse. But until now he was quiet, too quiet. That worried me. I headed to the cafeteria and sat down next to my best friend James. We were friends since the first day of Elementary school. Since that day we were inseparable. We and Kendall. _

_»Hey, James. «_

_»Hi, buddy. «_

_»Where is Kendall? «_

_James rolled his eyes. _

_»Hanging out with this new kid. Larry? Louis? Something like that. «_

_»Logan «, I reminded him._

_»Doesn't matter. «_

_My friend waved his hand. _

_»Don't be so mean. He seems nice. I have a few classes with him. He is really quiet and a bit nerdy, but when Kendall thinks he is nice we should give him a try. «_

_»A bit nerdy? To me he seems to be the king of the nerds. I bet he is sitting the whole day in his room making stuff for school, reading and his whole other stuff those nerds do. «_

_»Don't be a jock, James. «_

_We spent the rest of lunch time with small talk. The rest of the day was quite good. Until my last class. British literature. I had this class with Kendall and Logan. Kendall didn't introduced Logan to us, which was really weird, but I was sure he had a good reason. I went into the class. Kendall wasn't here yet, but Logan was. He sat on his table reading. On my table stood Mike Dawson. _

_»Hey there little moron. «_

_»Little? I am as tall as you Mike. «_

_He grinned. _

_»You know what I mean. «_

_I rolled my eyes. I knew what he meant. He always had a weird creepy obsession over the size of other guys' dicks. And he supposed everyone except him had to have a small dick. _

_»Actually I was really surprised when I saw you had this class, Carlos. I mean you can barely read a little article in the newspaper and then you want to read books and poems with old cultured English? It seems very illogical, don't you think? Of course not. You don't think, right Carlitos? «_

_»Fuck off, you moronic SOB. «_

_»You know that only stupid people use bad language? Uh-probably not. Sorry. The most stupid people are always thinking they are clever. «_

_I tried to ignore him, but it didn't work. _

_»Aww. Little Carlos is crying? Why exactly? Because you can't handle the truth or because you finally realized that your brain-like your dick by the way- does almost not exist? I would prefer the second one. «_

_I couldn't handle it anymore. He was crueler than ever before. And this attack today reminded me of every insult he ever used against me. I held a hand over my mouth to stop myself from sobbing and ran with watering eyes out of the room. I still heard the insults and Mike's malicious laugh._

_Flashback End_

I shook my head. That was past. I blocked everyone who hurts me. Now even Logan. I learned to enjoy my life and I wouldn't let Logan ruin it.

**Kendall's POV**

I followed Logan to the pool. He didn't notice me and I heard everything he and Carlos said. My heart was shattered when Logan turned around and I could see his face. His normally perfect, wonderful, angelic face now full of unbearable pain and guilty. His head hung and he walked past me with insecure steps. He didn't even notice me. Logie reminded me of a tortured puppy right now. I followed Logan. When I reached him, I put a hand on his shoulder and whispered:

»Logie? «

He jerked away and started to run away. I chased him to our shared room in our apartment. He locked the door in the moment I reached it. I knocked softly.

»Go away! «, Logan screamed.

Through the door I heard him sobering and crying.

»Logie, please open the door. Please let me help you. «

»No! Carlos hates me! I am sure James hates me! You should hate me too! I am a horrible person! «

Logan sounded hysterical.

»I am not going to hate you, Logie. And you are not horrible. You are one of the most wonderful people I know. «

No response. I sighed and sat down next to the door when I heard that his sobbing became more intense. Then my mom came.

»Honey, what is with Logan? I saw you two running through the apartment and I heard Logan screaming. «

I led her to the living room and we sat down on the couch. Katie joined us.

»Carlos and Logan had an argument and Logan called Carlos accidently stupid. Today Logan apologized, but Carlos turned him down. Carlos doesn't want to have Logan around him. «

My mom sighed and buried her head in her hands.

»Logan and Carlos had always this special relationship. I can't imagine how Logan feels right now. But I am sure Carlos just needs a bit time. «

»I hope so… I can't see my boyfriend like that. «, I mumbled and froze.

»Mom-I…«

Mom hugged me tightly.

»Finally you two found each other. «

»Wait-you knew? «

»You are my son Kendall. Of course I knew. «

»And you are fine with this? «

»As long as you two are happy I will be happy. But when things have settled down and Logan feels well again we have to talk. «

I groaned.

»It is not going to be the embarrassing kind of talk, right. «, I asked hopefully.

»We will have the talk Kendall. Of course it is going to be embarrassing for you. «

I nodded and my cheeks turned pink. Katie hugged me and whispered in my ear:

»When he comes home I am going to kick Carlos ass. «

I shook my head.

»It is sweet that you are caring so much about Logan, but we have to fix things on our own. **I** will kick his ass. «

Katie laughed and I went back to the still locked door of my room. I sat down and started to talk.

»I told Mom and Katie about us. Well, actually it slipped out, but they knew already and Mom gave us her blessings. But she wants to have the talk with us so that will be really awkward. «

I continued to talk to him for the next hours. It was nothing important or deep stuff. I just wanted to calm Logan down. And it worked. I heard him still crying, but it was more quiet and calmer. Then I heard that the front door was opened and James and Carlos headed in. Carlos laughed. My anger rose. He hurt Logie, MY Logie. How can he dare to be happy? I went to the kitchen after I said to Logan:

»I have to go for a few minutes. I will be right back Logie. «

When I entered the kitchen Carlos said:

»Hey, Kendall. «

»Don't 'hey' me! I am really pissed. How could you be so cruel and say so terrible things to Logan. I mean yes he said something really bad and I understand that this hurt you, but his apology was honest and he wants you to forgive him. The last three hours he locked himself in our room crying and sobering! «

»How can you expect me to be still his friend? He did something unforgivable. «

»IT WAS ONE FUCKING MISTAKE! HE WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU! HE WAS THE BEST FRIEND YOU COULD IMAGINE, AND JUST BECAUSE OF ONE MISTAKE YOU SHATTERED HIM! AND YOU DON'T CARE! YOU ARE SITTING HERE LAUGHING AND JOKING WHILE YOUR BEST FRIEND IS CRYING HIS EYES OUT BECAUSE OF YOU! «, I yelled.

» IF HE WOULD BE A GOOD FRIEND HE WOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT! WHAT DID HE DO FOR ME? HE JUST HELPED ME WITH MY HOMEWORK! NOTHING MORE! «, Carlos yelled back.

»Carlos…«, James said.

»What? It is true! «

James shook his head.

»YOU ARE SO FUCKING SELFISH! YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THE DAY YOU AND HIM BECAME FRIENDS! I WILL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED THIS DAY «

_Flashback_

_I headed excited into my last class of the day. British Literature. I was excited because this is the only class I have with Logan. I would never say it out loud, but I had already a crush on him. But when I entered the classroom I froze. Mike Dawson, the biggest moron of our school stood at Carlos table. Carlos looked like he would collapse every moment. I heard Mike saying:_

_»Aww. Little Carlos is crying? Why exactly? Because you can't handle the truth or because you finally realized that your brain-like your dick by the way- does almost not exist? I would prefer the second one. «_

_Carlos ran crying out of the room without noticing me. I started to go to Mike to punch the shit out of him, but I stopped when I saw Logan facing him. _

_»Latest studies showed that somebody who bullies someone has a really low self-esteem and self-confidence. And they are trying to cover their soft personality. «_

_»Keep out of my business. You are just a nerd with a little cock. «_

_Logan raised an eyebrow._

_»Latest studies also showed that people who have an obsession for the size of dicks are having a really small dick. I bet your dick is just one or two inches big. «_

_Mike looked shocked. He didn't expect that some new kid would talk to him like that. The rest of the class laughed about him. Years ago mike was really popular, but he lost his popularity when people realized that his is just a big dirtbag. _

_»You are going to regret that little nerd. «, Mike hissed._

_»Yeah whatever. «, Logan said, waved with his hand and chased after Carlos._

_Flashback End_

»Do you remember that Logan looked for you and calmed you down? «, James asked Carlos when I finished.

He nodded.

»We became friends after this. «

»After that day Mike stopped to bully you, but he was even worse to Logan. He tortured him psychological and physical. «, James explained.

»I didn't know. «

»Of course not! Because you are a selfish bastard! «, I shouted.

James glared at me.

»What Kendall wants to say is that Logan hid it very well. «

»It was really brave, but nonetheless Logan made a big mistake and I wont forgive him! «

My anger rose again and I exploded.

»YOU FUCKING SELFISH, UNGRATEFUL IDIOT! LOGAN WAS UNDER A HIGH MENTAL PRESSURE JUST TO PROTECT YOU! «

James looked confused at me and I told them another story.

_Flashback_

_Logan was at my house for our first sleepover. We wanted to invite Carlos as well, but he had plans with James so it was just the two of us. We had a great day. We watched a bunch of movies, played video games, chatted and laughed. At 10 pm my mom came to us. _

_»Time to sleep, guys. «_

_»Mom, please! Just another hour! «, I begged._

_She shook her head._

_»You need to sleep. Good night guys. «_

_»Good night, Mrs. Knight. «, Logan answered politely. _

_»Logan I told you call me Jennifer. «, my mom said smiling._

_Logan smiled back. _

_»Night, mom. «_

_»Night, honey. «_

_My mom kissed my forehead. _

_»Ughh! MOM! Don't do that! «, I shouted while my cheeks became pink. _

_Logan and my mom chuckled and she left. _

_»I don't want to sleep. I want to have more fun. «, I pouted._

_»It is okay Ken. We have the whole day tomorrow. «_

_I smiled. _

_»You are right, Logie. Night. «_

_»Night, Kendall. «_

_We fell both soon asleep. But I woke up when I heard Logan whimpering. He had a nightmare. _

_»Uh. No…Don't…Please…Don't hit him…Don't hit Carlos…Ouch…No…Please…It hurts…«_

_My chest tightened. _

_»Logie! Logie, wake up! «_

_He jerked. _

_»Kendall? «, Logan cried. _

_»I am here buddy it was just a bad dream. «_

_»H-he hit m-me. H-hard. And o-often. «_

_»In your dream. «_

_»Yes-yesterday in school. It hurt a lot«_

_»Who hurt you? «_

_»M-mike. «_

_»He won't hurt you anymore. I won't let him. «_

_»Promise? «_

_»I promise. «_

_He clung to me like he was afraid I would leave and sat on my lap. I hugged him tightly. We both fell asleep like this. _

_Flashback End_

»And I kept my promise. I protected him in school. I walked him to his classes. And when I wasn't able to do that James we couldn't protect him always. Sometimes we weren't there and Mike insulted him or beat him. And one time he punched the shit out of Logan. After school where we couldn't protect him. And everything just because he helped you. And he never complained. He never blamed you! HE WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU! «

For a few moments nobody said something. Then I heard a whisper from behind. My name. I turned around. Logan stood there looking at his feet. He looked like he expected Carlos to yell at him.

»Logie…«

»I-I heard you guys yelling and I-I was worried. «

»I am fine Logie. «

I glared at Carlos. Then I went over to Logan and grabbed his hands. I pulled him in our room. We sat down on my bed. He sat in my lap and buried his face in my neck.

»You shouldn't have yelled on Carlos. «, he mumbled.

»He deserved it. Nobody will hurt you anymore. «

»I deserved it, too. «

»No. You made a mistake, but he had no right you turn you down. «

Logan looked in my eyes. He kissed me lightly and whispered against my lips:

»I love you. «

******The personality of Mike is based on someone I know. Not a nice person. **What do you think? Please review. 


	6. I am not gay

**I am so so sorry for not posting so long. I feel like a horrible person. But I had the worst writer's block ever! I hope this will make it up to you. (I am not really sure about that)**

**For every Cargan fan out there please check out my story **_First Times_**. **

**Thanks for the reviews and a special thanks to **_Franshes _**for mentioning James and his reaction. I actually never thought about that. **

**Chapter six: I am not gay!**

**Kendall's POV**

_»I love you. «_

Logan looked at me with his sad, brown, puppy eyes full of tears and pain and fear. I was shocked. I mean my heart skipped a few beats and I was happier than ever before. But in the same time I felt insecure.

_'Did he say that, because he feels so or because he is afraid to be alone? '_

I know I am the fearless leader and I brought us here and I am good at singing and dancing and this stuff, but even I feel insecure when it comes to matters of the heart.

_'Logan is smart and funny and caring and handsome. And I am just good old Kendall. My nose is too big and my eyebrows are too bushy. '_

A whine brought me back to reality. My boyfriend jumped up and ran crying to the door. He was already in the hallway when I grabbed his wrist and pulled him in my arms. He looked up at me. His eyes were filled with despair. I shoved my bad thoughts away and said:

»I love you too. «

»Really? «

»Of course. How could I not? «, I replied softly.

»I hurt Carlos. He hates me; James hates me pretty sure, too. And I made you and Carlos fight. «

»Yes you hurt him, but he doesn't hate you. Neither do James. And you are not the reason for our fight. But all that doesn't matter. All that matters is that I love you. «

He didn't look convinced.

»Love you, too «, he mumbled.

»Logie? «

»Mhm? «

»If there is anything I can help you with, tell me. «

Logan looked shyly at my bed.

»Cuddle with me? «

I smiled. We lay down and Logan snuggled into me, his arms tightly around my waist and his head snuggled into my neck, while I hugged him tightly as well. After a few minutes I asked:

»Logie? Why are you so afraid of people leaving you? I mean nobody likes it, but something had to cause this strong fear of yours. «

Logan tensed.

»I don't want to talk about it. «

»It is okay. You don't have to. I just need you to know that I am always there for you. «

He nodded simply. We dozed for a while until someone knocked at our door. I opened. I saw Carlos standing out there.

»C-can I talk to Logan for a bit, please? «

»No. «

I tried to close the door, but Logan said quietly:

»Let him in Kendall. «

I stepped away from the door.

»Fine. But if you say something wrong I will punch your ass out of here! «, I growled.

Carlos said down on Logan's bed, while I returned to my place next to Logan. He looked at his feet not daring to say anything.

»Look Logan. I know you are truly sorry. I am sorry, too. I shouldn't have been so mean. I am sorry for saying that I don't want to do anything for you and for saying that you weren't a good friend. I know it is not true. And I hope we could be friends again. «

Logan stared at Carlos. Suddenly he jumped up and threw himself at Carlos. He hugged him tightly.

»I will take that as a yes. «, Carlos chuckled nervous.

When Logan finally untangled himself from Carlos and sat down again, the Latino looked at me and asked:

»So-uh. Are we cool? «

I nodded.

»Yeah. Just never do that again! Both of you! «

My boyfriend smiled sadly.

»Promise. «

»Hey, Logie. Wanna get out? I am CRAVING corndogs. We could get some. «

»You are always craving corndogs. Yeah let's go. «

They left without the word.

»What the hell was that? «, I asked myself.

I was glad that they ended their fight and that they are friends again, because that meant Logan would be happy, but a 'See you later' or 'I love you' wouldn't be too much to ask for.

~I am not gay! ~

A few weeks later I was lying on my bed. Alone. I was frustrated and pissed. Over the last weeks Logan changed. He spent more and more time with Carlos and less time with me. I did understand that. He was happy that he and Carlos were friends again and they were closer than before the fight, but I felt like Carlos replaced me. To spend a little bit of your time with your boyfriend can't hurt, right? And there were other things: Logan did everything to please Carlos. I mean really everything: when we had a discussion what to do or what movie to watch Logan was always on Carlos' side, even when he didn't like Carlos' suggestion. He covered up for Carlos when he broke something, played pranks with him. And Logan didn't touch me anymore nor did he let me touch him. At least not with Carlos around. When we were alone or with James or Katie he acted normal. We agreed to stay in the closet for a while so in public it wasn't weird that he kept distance to me, but at our apartment with Carlos his behavior was weird. No touches, no kisses no 'I love you'! It drove me crazy. I didn't understand why he would do that. I sighed and headed to the living room. Carlos watched TV and Logan finished some science project for school. I sat down between them. When I tried to kiss MY boyfriend he leaned away and said:

»Kendall I am doing homework! Important homework! «

»Fine. «, I sighed.

After a few minutes Carlos whined:

»I am hungry! «

Logan looked up.

»Do you want me to cook you something? «

Carlos nodded eagerly. When Logan was about to stand up I pulled him back.

»Carlos what do you want? I will make you something! «

»Corndogs! «

I nodded. In the kitchen I got some frozen corndogs and put them into the microwave. I was so angry my blood boiled. The night before Logan worried the whole time about this project. Because it will make 30 percent of our final science grade or something like that. But he would willingly interrupt his work just to make Carlos some fucking corndogs. I knew I shouldn't be mad. Carlos was my best friend. And nobody could be really angry at Carlos. He was such a nice person, bubbly, full of energy and always funny. But somehow I managed to be angry at him. Logan was my priority number one and I had to protect him from being hurt again.

**James POV**

I entered our apartment after a long tanning session. I was greeted by my three best friends. Carlos watched some cartoons, Logan of course did homework and Kendall carried a plate full with corndogs to Carlos and nearly tossed it at him. I could see he was pissed.

»Hey, guys! «

»Hi James «, the three of them said.

My heart skipped a beat when Carlos smiled at me.

»Do you want one, too? «

I shook my head.

»No. Thanks. I am fine. «

I jumped on the couch next to Carlos. He finished his meal after a few minutes and asked:

»Logie, do you want me to come to the park? «

»Uhm-sure. Sounds like fun. «

They got up and left. The door closed behind them and Kendall growled annoyed.

»Why are you so upset? «, I asked.

»I am not upset! «

»Kendall, we know each other since kindergarten! I can tell if you are telling the truth or not! «

He sighed.

»It is nothing, okay? «

»You don't need to play always the tough guy! It is okay to show feelings sometimes! «

Kendall had always this problem. He bottled his problems up until he exploded.

»Everything is fine James! Just leave me alone! «

Now I got pissed. Kendall had always known how to push my buttons.

»Fine! But something IS bothering you! Apparently you prefer to neglect your feelings! «

»Like you neglect that you are in love with Carlos? «

»I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH CARLOS! I AM NOT GAY! «

»So you have a problem with gay people? «

I sighed.

»No of course not. I'll support you guys no matter what, but I am not gay! I like boobs! «

»And why did you start the fuck buddy thing with Carlos? It is because you have feelings for him! «

»No! I have not! I didn't get laid for a while and Carlos has a nice ass. That's all! «

»That's all? I am just a fuck for you? «

I turned around. Logan and Carlos came back and heard the last part of our conversation. Logan looked furious, but Carlos… Carlos looked devastated his eyes full of unshed tears.

»Litos, I didn't mean it that way! «

He turned around and ran sobbing out of the apartment. I was about to follow him, but Logan shoved me brutally back into my seat.

»Stay! «, he barked and chased after Carlos.

»Didn't know Logan could be aggressive…«, I mumbled.

Kendall stared dreamily at the door.

»Yeah…Major turn on! «

I snorted and suppressed a laugh. Then I groaned.

»What did I do? «

»You fucked up. BIG TIME! «

»Thanks, Kendall. You are a great friend…«

»Sorry, but it is true! «

»I know…«

I groaned again.

»Logan will fix it. Don't worry James. «

~I am not gay! ~

One and a half hour later they came back. Logan pulled Kendall out of the room. I shifted awkwardly. I was about to apologize when Carlos said:

»I am sorry. «

»You-uh-what? «

»I am sorry. I mixed love and sex up. I thought I love you, but Logan helped me to realize that I DON'T love you. I love the fucking, but that's all. «

I didn't know what to say.

»No weird feelings okay? I don't want to ruin our friendship or the sex-but most important is our friendship. «

»So we- uh we are cool? «

Carlos smiled.

»Yeah. Wanna join me? I am heading to the pool. «

I nodded.

»Great. We meet her in five minutes, okay? I have to talk to Logan for a minute. «

While I changed I thought about Logan and Carlos.

_'What's going on between them? Do they have feelings for each other? Does Kendall suspects something and that is the reason why he is so grumpy? '_

Just the thought of Logan and Carlos together let my blood boil. I shook my head to drive the thought away.

_'No reason to be jealous. '_, I told myself.

When we were on the pool I tried to relax, but I couldn't. Next to me Carlos was busy with flirting with a new guy. I didn't know his name. It didn't matter for me how his name was. The only thing I cared about was that this guy would stay away from Carlos. This guy was fucking gorgeous: dark brown hair, handsome face, tanned skin, tall, built like a god, wearing tight swim trunks. Every time he said something Carlos would laugh and he looked at him with a needy look. It was sickening. And then they went swimming. They splashed water at each and giggled like two teenage girls. I was on the edge of vomiting ad then killing this guy. I got distracted from my thought when Carlos climbed out of the pool. I imagined how his wet skin would feel under my hands, how I would kiss him, licking and biting his upper body, my hands slowly sliding down, pulling off his Speedo. I wanted nothing more than fucking him senseless. Right here, right now to show everybody that he was mine. Carlos smiled at me and I felt something weird in my stomach. Something I felt never before.

»Hey James. Mike and I want to head out for smoothies; do you want to join us? «

_'Mike? Oh Mike must be the asshole!'_

»Actually Litos. I planned to invite you for smoothies, just the two of us. I still feel bad because of earlier. «

»Uhm-okay. «

I growled quietly when Carlos kissed Mikes cheek.

»See ya later, Mike. «

We headed outside. It was really warm and sunny so we didn't need to change first. Carlos told me some stories, but I didn't listen. I tried to figure out why I hated Mike so much.

_'I am not gay. Not at all. I don't like Carlos that way. He is my best buddy and nice to fuck. Nothing more. Even though he is so funny and caring and when he smiles his eyes are shining so beautiful…No! I am not gay! I am not and I will never be. '_

**What is up with Carlos? When will James admit he has feelings for Carlos? Is Kendall right with worrying about Logan and Carlos? We will see in the next chapters so keep reading. **

**I hope you liked it. The next chapter will follow soon. Hopefully sooner than this came. Reviews are always welcome!**


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